Saturday, July 21, 2012

gorgeous gets away with it?

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[recent city scenes]

Maybe start here at this little precious and hilarious nugget of ad campaign history.

Because we're just going to have to talk about cars tonight. Last night I penned this whole self indulgent post about flowers and weddings and saipua bullshit that tonight makes me gag a bit. Also I can't have you thinking that I'm confused, or god forbid...worn out. What I am is effing head over heals in love with a Jaguar.

One thread that I will pull from last night's manuscript, currently burning in an ashtray next to me, is this: I've been doing a lot of driving. City-farm-city-farm, you get it. One morning I'm fondling - wait wrong word here - investigating - descended scrotum on a bunch of icelandic sheep and a few hours later via her majesty, i87, I'm in the west village canoodling with cityfolk. I don't do a lot of canoodling these days, so I thought I'd try to work that in.

It was on one of these back and forth's that Eric and I were mistaken for maggie gylenhall and lou diamond phillips (we were both wearing leather) in a thruway rest area and had to be escorted out the back. This is the hard life of the upstate interloper, anniminity and familarity, thrown together in line at a starbucks inside the Ramapo rest stop. Am I embellishing? You better believe it. 


So with all this milage between us we've needed a new car, and a few months ago the right one showed up -- just like that -- a jade colored 1992 mint condition jaguar xjs parked on the street in our neighborhood. What does a farmer/florist do with a fucking jaguar xjs, jade green with real wood interior? She LOOKS GOOD, son. She rolls up to the flower market on 28th street and looks good, she puts - no - someone else puts - a few neat little flower packages in her trunk (it's larger than one would think!) and looks good, she drives with leather gloves and sunglasses and people say, Who is that?!? ... "And is that double bale of crabapple branches bungee'd into her open trunk safe?)


As you can see, I've gone deep. Which is why when I saw it parked outside the wine store this evening (we have so much in common already!) I stalked it and it's owner. And by stalked I mean I stormed the joint breathlessly demanding that the owner of the jade jag show themselves. 


And this is where we cut to the montage of me driving this gorgeous piece of metal like ryan gosling; one arm casually on the wheel, toothpick in my mouth or whatever - seat way back, hair blowing in the hot wind of the interstate. Leaning over, legs switched, like hot girls do at the gasoline pump, I've never tried that move, but I could - and that picture is in the montage. Also in there is Nea, with driving googles on - jesus this is killing me! - riding shotgun, head out the window, my little shawdy up for any adventure.  

The girl who came forward was really nice, I recognized her from around. She invited me to a dance party at her house. We talked about the neighborhood and the end of Brooklyn in general. I told her about my new flower farm. She took me out to the curb and showed me the sizable trunk. She didn't say why, but she said the farm is exactly why I need a jaguar. 


That's all. 

28 comments:

bferry said...

This.

Best thing I've read in months (years? ever?).

The goggles! Do it for the dog.

Margaret Kelley said...

That sounds serendipitous. When your dream car comes along... and at the right time? Well... why the fuck not. As long as you have some other vehicle for deliveries... why the eff not.

D said...

Pull the trigger, G.

count buckula said...

speaking of dream cars:

http://motoburg.com/imgs/3516-datsun-240z-05.jpg.html

http://www.garyzcarz.com/studebaker.htm

http://www.opelclub.com/html/opel_gt___faqs.html

Floret said...

you would look so pimp in that baby.
do it, do it!

liz said...

I'm sorry, but are you fucking kidding me?

Get on it already.

(I know, if it were only so simple.)

Katie said...

You might actually be the most fun writer on the internet. Love your sense of humor. And your taste in cars. <3

Stacy said...

A summer car....sounds just right.

Ashley Fox said...

one of my past brides and I bonded over this exact Jaguar. We are friends to this day. Not sure what it is about that car...

Carolyn said...

My Bestie had one of these- she named her Olivia..she LOVED that car. Do it. Life is short.

Miz.November said...

OK. First off, just let me say that the close-up shots are insane. Beautiful insane.
And the Jag....well, I just think that it's perfect. Even the color. I mean, come on. It's crazy sexy. (and the trunk is roomier than one would think) ;)

edi gardner said...

Now all you need is a mink a tiger and a jackass to pay for it all. I heard once if you have the 4 pets you area a star... :-) This was fantastic for a Monday

Worldwide Rakhi Courier said...

Loved your article.It was pretty interesting.What made to write this article.There must be something going there in your mind before writing this article.Would you like to share thought with all of us.

Susan Garcia said...

Always look forward to your intelligent and upliftingly sarcastic writing to make a bleak day more interesting. I can see the case for mistaken identity. If schlepping gorgeous flowers can make the world a happier place (and I speak from experience ... the memory of the bouquet you made for me can make me breath deeply on a challenging day) please make yourself happy. Go on and do it already. :-)

Susan Garcia said...

Alright, so I forgot the e in breathe. :-/

Christina H. said...

Fuck yeah, get one!

Christina H. said...

You are a perishable item. Live accordingly.

Bridget said...

Ha! Mine is the Carmen Ghia- too small for flowers :) That's when you're not working. The old wooden sided Land rover for when you are. These Jags bring back too many memories of the great divide between West Palm Beach and Palm Beach but yes they are pure sexiness. And you funnygirl are bringin' it with the laughs!

lauren said...

this is AMAZING!!!

i just read it while listening to Edith Piaf's "Correqu' Et Réguyer"
which can i tell you - is the PERFECT sound track to this post!

love your blog like bear's love honey!

L

sweet harvest moon said...

Get one!

lauran said...

JKoh sweet, you met my friend with that dope-a$$ jag before she moved frm red hook. it's brilliant on the highway and what's better than seeing new york sidewalks light up with smiles? get yourself one. no regrets with that ride.

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lynn said...

as usual when ever i read your blog i am enjoying your life immeasurably! do you ever think about writing a book? you would be soooo good at it. just sayin. and if you are ever driving out of/into the city on a tuesday morning tune into 91.1 wfmu and i will be the gal providing your soundtrack.
cheers